So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
