I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
