Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
