I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he was CRYING into my vagina
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
