I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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