Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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