I think I died a long time ago.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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