Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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