Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
