you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
