Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
