you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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