Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
