R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
