mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i was born a porn star she said
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
