Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
