you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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