where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize