new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
