you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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