This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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