Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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