Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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