Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
