my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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