you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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