Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
