rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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