I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
