Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
