Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
