walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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