wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
love makes seman taste better
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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