Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
