I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
