I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
