just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize