I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
