Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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