Can Purell be used as lube?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize