She is in my trunk
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
