I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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