all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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