what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
