if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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