Who wears a wallet chain?!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
