dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
