is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize