you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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