i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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