I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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