i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
