quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
