and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
