I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
