We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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