You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize