I wannas sexs uuuuu
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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