wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
