There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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