been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
