Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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