so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
