dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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