I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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