been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
