Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
