am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
